25 Mar 10 Tips to Keep Your Marriage From Falling Apart
By Alex Golob
We hear a lot of different versions on what marriage is “supposed” to look like. Well, what do you want your marriage to look like? It’s easy to see other couples and compare ourselves, but each individual and couple is unique. Being that people are different and have individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions, it makes sense that relationships can become difficult along the way. Two human beings coming together, joining their lives as one can be beautifully harmonious or extremely challenging.
There are solutions to marriage discord; it just might take a little effort!
Big surprise! Number one is communication! Lacking communication in your relationship is where a lot of problems lie. This is not easy but can become more comfortable over time. It takes work and courage. It is normal and common to create stories in our minds of what our partner thinks or how they feel. Sometimes these stories can be disastrous for our relationship. Communicating without jumping to conclusions can save you a lot of trouble. Couples counseling is a great way to help in this area!
2. Love Languages
Find out each other’s love language. You can take the quiz together or separately at www.5lovelanguages.com. This can give you so much insight into yourself and your partner. Once you have the knowledge of what it is you need and the knowledge of what your partner needs, steps can be taken toward fulfilling those needs for one another that might not have been met.
This might not always feel natural. It can be difficult to feel compassion for your partner when you’re either upset with them or overwhelmed with your own life. Taking a second to be aware of your state of mind is the first step. Working toward finding some compassion for them by remembering times when you did feel that way is helpful!
A hard part about marriage is having to consider someone else, not just yourself. You have more than just you to worry about, and sometimes we can forget that. Remember your partner and consider their thoughts and feelings when it might be second nature to only consider yourself.
This can be challenging at times. This is one of the things you sign up for when you take your vows! Every situation is different, but there might be times where compromising with your partner is healthy for your relationship (even if it is not what you really want to do).
It is a great feeling to know someone has your back and believes in you. Remembering to support each other and cheer each other on is important in sustaining happiness and fulfillment in a marriage.
Intimacy is an important aspect of marriage. Feeling close to your spouse is essential in order to keep the marital bond strong. Intimacy can mean many different things. Just making an effort to have some affection in your relationship, whether it be a hug when you get home from work or holding hands walking down the street, can make a world of difference.
There are bound to be some disagreements or tiffs, and it’s how we handle them that count. Paying attention to how you speak to your spouse is essential during these times. A lack of respect can lead to escalation when things could have been resolved easily if you regarded your partner in a different manner. And sometimes it is not what we say, but how we say it!
9. Don’t forget to have fun
Marriage can be really fun if we put forth some effort or make plans to do so! What kinds of things did you do with each other when you first met? You might need to get creative during a global pandemic, but making time to enjoy life and each other’s company is vital. Play games, watch a funny movie, do crafts, or go outside and be active. The sky’s the limit!
10. Stay true to you
Last but not least, stay true to you! Stay involved in your hobbies, friendships, and any other activities that you enjoy. Relying on one other person to keep you happy and meet all your needs is unrealistic. You have to take care of your own happiness and continue to live a life that is satisfying, separate from your spouse. Continuing to make plans with friends or going to your favorite kickboxing class will keep you feeling more fulfilled, leading to a happier you and a happier marriage.
Try not to get overwhelmed! Any amount of effort and change is a great start. Many couples struggle and come out the other end better than ever after putting in the necessary work. Individual therapy and/or couples therapy can be extremely effective. Learning about yourself and your partner with a trained and knowledgeable professional can do wonders for your relationship. Start small and watch your relationship thrive!